Hey there! Long time, no type....

Jamacia was gorgeous...me in a bathing suit...not so gorgeous.

Sprinkle in tons of super fit girls prancing around in their bathing suit bods, and come home with some serious motivation to not ever feel like uncomfortable in my own skin again!!!!

I made the mistake of stepping on the scale today..196..WHATTTTT!

That is the heaviest I've ever been. 

I obviously need to change something...My current regimen is not doing the trick.

Suggestions? Tips? Magic wand?

OH, hey there. You guessed it....I'm back at the beginning.

Yesterday, I started the day motivated and determined. Had an awesome Orange Theory workout. Went all day with no cheats, then the husband and I decided to go to dinner. I had all intentions of sticking to my guns and overcoming this....until....we got there. All the food looked so good and my willpower looked so low, so i ate. and ate. and ate.

So, here we go again. I started today with an awesome Orange Theory workout.  Am adhering to my diet and having a shake for lunch.  Hopefully I'll be able to make it through dinner with  my friends tonight.  We're going to an Italian place, so I might just eat at home and go to dinner for the company and gossip.  Italian food, portion size and myself usually do not make a good crowd.

Fast forward 2 weeks and I'll be in Jamacia. Hopefully, I'll be able to find a balance between having fun, enjoying myself and not going overboard.  BUT it's all inclusive, so many I'll use my calories on drinks?

I'll update later after my girls dinner date.  I'm working the next 3 days so hopefully I'll be able to make it through with no cheats and a few workouts.

xoxo.
G.G.

UPDATE: dinner was canceled. I was looking forward to some girl time, but throw in some fatigue, a headache and pre-work anxiety and dinner date was off.  Thankfully, I wasn't the one to cancel...therefore, im not the flake:)  Still, so far so good. I have my chipotle from lunch that I'm going to finish tonight for dinner.  tomorrows meals will consist of a shake for breakfast, chipotle for lunch and a turkey burger, sweeet potato fries and mushrooms for dinner. I'll try to squeeze in a 30 minute workout before or after work.  Updates to follow..

So......
here we are again.
Back, back to the beginning.

I feel like I've been in this exact scenario dozens (if not more) times. I decide I've had enough, that food shouldn't control my life, that nothing tastes as good as being comfortable in my skin feels.

Despite all the rational thinking, I end up binging anyways. "this will be the last time" I'll say....that this will be my last hooray binge and tomorrow will mark the start of my new life...

Yet,
here we are again.
Back, back to the beginning.

When is this going to stop?!!?  I thought if I lost weight I would finally be able to stick to a healthy lifestyle.  I would know what it felt like to finally be a normal size. After losing all my pre-wedding weight, I was finally in the 140's.  Not exactly where I wanted to be, but I was definately headed in the right direction. Fast forward a few months, and a few binges, and I'm back to my heaviest weight.

Everyday, I tell myself that I'm not 20 anymore.  I can't weight this much, eat the things I do, and spend the day parked on the couch and still be healthy.  For the first time, I no longer view this as a method to wear belly shirts, I now need this to be healthy and safe.  But...when am I finally going to begin taking care of myself?

For years, I told myself I just needed to find the right diet. One that allowed me to eat good, nutricious foods and not deprive myself.  I've tried Atkins, the south beach, weight watchers, nutrisystem, 21 day fix, slim fast...I've finally realized (a few hundred dollars later) that it's not the diet that's ineffective, it's me.

So, now that we're back, back at the beginning...why not try a blog to stay accountable? I've tried everything else...what do I have to lose?